Attention Lucy Faulkener

I was a member of TLR for many years when it was a web page – user name Wallah 🙂 I posted the below then and many people commented that it gave then perspective on their situation. I have often though of posting it after reading some of the posts, but didn’t want to rock the boat, so will leave it to you to make that decision. Delete if you think it’s no longer appropriate xx

Oh! no idea why the ‘type ‘ has changed??

COPING STRATEGY

Don’t disbelieve what’s happened – accept it – I know that it seems unbelievable, but it really did happen.

Don’t feel that you’re the only victim. It is quite possible that there were women before you, also possible that there were women at the same time and there will definitely be more women afterwards

Don’t compare his behaviour with normal feelings – how could he etc? He could because he can and unlike the majority of humanity, has no moral conscience.

Don’t think about the ‘relationship that you thought you had – it was never there. You gave your all but he simply used you as a means to an end.

Don’t think that he did love you – accept that he never did – and sadly, he may not even have liked you. You were simply a commodity to be used to gain money, visa, sex etc

Don’t make excuses for him. He did what he did in a cold calculated deliberate way with no regards what-so-ever for you or your feelings

Don’t replay all those good times – they weren’t. It was all a charade – an act necessary to achieve his targets.

Don’t take it personally. This time it was you, but could quite well have been another woman. You as a person didn’t actually come into the equation.

Don’t blame yourself. You were a victim. As a decent person you assumed that he was also a decent person

Don’t feel guilty – he won’t. It’s not your fault that you were duped – conned. He was the perpetrator and you rightly believed the situation to be genuine.

Don’t be ashamed – these men are professional at manipulating women. You are not a fool. You are not a mug. It has happened to thousands of women, because they are decent individuals.

Don’t ask ‘’how could he do such a thing, he knows how unhappy/sad/depressed I had been recently?’’ The fact that you were vulnerable made you more attractive as a victim – easier to manipulate.

Don’t try to analyse the situation – you’ll never make sense of it. Decent people will never be able to understand how any other human being can be so unfeeling and immoral.

Don’t seek for the things that you did wrong – could have done better. Nothing that you could have said or done will have resulted in him treating you in an acceptable way. That is not how they work.

Don’t dream about the ‘if only it were true’ scenario – it never was and never would be. That is not their aim. Generally the Tunisian female fits into the happy ever after category.

Don’t torture yourself with thoughts of other future women/relationships. They would and will be there and you’ll never change that.

Don’t be tempted by second chances. If he has done it once, he will do it again, but the second time you will be a softer target. You will literally give him the go-ahead to continue.

Don’t add up all the money you invested in the relationship – console yourself with what you can do with your spare cash now.

Don’t think of getting the money back – you won’t – ever.

Don’t give in to blackmail – let him do his worst – post his videos etc. Your friends – the people who matter – will be there for you

Don’t tolerate threats against you and or your loved ones. Try to record if possible and inform the police.

Don’t believe his threats of the ‘Tunisian Mafia’ that all live in England and will go to ‘sort your family out’. They don’t exist and if they did and they would no doubt be too busy with their own scams.

Don’t believe that his family loved you and welcomed you and your children. If they appeared to it was because they also saw you as a target for money/visa.

Don’t show that you are hurt, devastated, if in contact with him or mutual friends. If you do he will see this as a sign of weakness and move in again for the kill.

Don’t listen to any messages from his family, friends, colleagues etc. Irrespective of what they say, they will be securely on his side.

Don’t accept offers of support or friendship from his friends who criticize his behaviour. They are like jackals moving in to take advantage of the weak.

Don’t hate him – this will only poison your future. He’s not worth that – he’s a total nothing – of no consequence.

Don’t think that the next one will be better – there’s every likely hood that he won’t

Don’t keep wishing ‘if only’. It happened and you survived – treat it as an education.

Get a little stronger every day

Get angry

Value yourself

Get professional help – Doctor counselling etc

Block! Delete! Ignore!

REPORT TO THE UKBA irrespective of whether you have applied for a visa or not. It may just stop his next attempt – and there will be one.

Don’t leave TLRs – keep reading – the support is there. It will get better.

Written after living in a Tunisian hotel – with my English husband – for a total of 7.5 years and watching all the rats at work and heartbre

akingly, seeing all their broken victims.